


They're Okay

by lilmisspessimistic



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Episode: s04e20 Entity, Episode: s10e12 Line in the Sand, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-19
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2020-03-07 23:02:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18883015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilmisspessimistic/pseuds/lilmisspessimistic
Summary: A little story in my head about when I think Sam changed her password to "Fishing".





	They're Okay

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place post - Entity

It had been one week since he almost lost her. Again. But this time, it was his own doing. 7 days ago, Jack O’Neill had pulled a trigger, with every intention of ending Sam Carter’s life. By some twist of fate and fortune, it didn’t work and here she is stood in front of his desk looking a little nervous. 

It wouldn’t be fair to say that he had been avoiding her. She was discharged from the infirmary within 24 hours and she’d actually stuck to her one week leave and stayed home. That in itself left an uneasy feeling in Jack’s stomach. On top of that, he’d discovered that an alien entity taking over the base, killing the foremost expert on the Stargate and bringing her back to life involved a heck of a lot of paperwork. All resulting in him not being able to drop in and check on her. 

It didn’t mean he wasn’t concerned. He sent Daniel, Teal’c and Cassie around often enough with food and their company, to make sure she was ok. A side benefit being he’d get a decent report back on her recovery. Enough to know she needed more than a week off work, enough to know she threw up the majority of what she ate and she was barely sleeping. 

Standing in front of him now, she didn’t look much better than she did 7 days ago. Hell, she was alive so that counted for something but it was a fractional improvement on her previous condition. He knew the colour would eventually come back to her face, that the shadows around her eyes will slowly disappear and the haunted look would fade to be replaced by her bright, inquisitive mind. Jack didn’t pretend to know much, but one thing he knew was Sam and how resilient and fierce she was. 

She was still stood in front of him, avoiding his gaze. That part didn’t surprise him, as he had effectively killed her and they’d not said more than 5 words to each other since. Maybe she wanted answers from him, an explanation why he did what he did, an apology? He knew he would have to confront her sooner or later about this, he was just hoping it would be much later. On reflection, maybe he had been avoiding her. 

If Jack was being truthful with himself, he didn’t want to talk about it with her for his own sake as much as hers. He had spent a week skilfully burying all emotion. Logically, he knew what he did was right and a part of him was glad he was able to do it. He’s always known he would be able to sacrifice the rest of the team if it meant saving the rest of the planet, but a part of him doubted he could do it to her, what with the whole feeling feelings mess. So this was a good test really and put his mind slightly at ease. 

On the other hand, he killed the woman he felt feelings for. At the time, he didn’t think about what he would do if she died because he was still hoping Frasier would save her. But once they knew she was ok, he let himself briefly mull over that potential future and it was bleak. His thoughts hadn’t changed since the last time he was confronted with the issue; Jack O’Neill would rather die than lose Carter. He knew he wouldn’t survive it. 

Sam still hadn’t said anything, and she probably didn’t know what to say to him. She should be angry, he decided. He would let her be angry, let her shout and scream if she needs to. She might even want to change teams, how could she keep working with him day in day out when he had done what he did. He would do anything to earn some credit in her book again. 

Jack decided to put her out of her misery and tell her it was ok, “Carter…”

“Sir… I was hoping to speak to you.”

“Yeah, I figured. What’s on your mind?”

“Well, I have these letters sir.”

“What?” Letters? Wait, maybe this isn’t what he thought?

“Erm, letters you know...in case?”

“In case…what?” rather than answering, she gave him a pointed look as if he knew what she meant. “Carter, I think I’m about 3 steps behind in this conversation. What are you talking about?”

Sam visibly took in a deep breath as if steadying or preparing herself. She had barely met his gaze this entire time, catching his eyes briefly before looking beyond him and over his shoulder. 

“On my laptop, I have letters in case something happens. To me.”

Oh. Those kind of letters. 

Sam smiled awkwardly at him whilst worrying the flap of the pocket on her trousers. Jack regarded her carefully and wondered why she was telling him this. Was she expecting him to say something now? He thought it better to stay quiet and maybe she would explain herself.

After a few painfully silent moments, Sam’s nerves clearly got the better of her. It was obvious that she hadn’t prepared herself for this conversation and was struggling to tell him what she wanted. She began babbling to fill the quiet in the room.

“They’re nothing special, sir. Just letters to my dad, brother, Cassie, you guys…”

That piqued his interest. She wrote him a letter?

“Me?” 

“Ermmm yeah you too. It’s nothing you know, special, just the standard stuff…” she trailed. He’s written and read enough of these letters to know that there was no standard stuff. 

He kept his gaze on her only to notice that Sam had started blushing deeply. Huh. What could be in that letter to make her blush like that? No, actually, he never wanted to know what those letters said. He never wanted to see them. 

“Why are you telling me this?” Jack knew he was gruff with his question, but her death was a topic he didn’t want to talk about. He was also beginning to lose patience with the uncomfortable silences and lack of eye contact from his normally self-assure Major. Not to mention the incomprehensible route of this conversation. 

“Ermm, well,” Sam started. “Recent…events have put things into perspective. I just want to make sure that I can say goodbye- ”

“Carter,” Jack interrupted. “Why are you telling ME this?” He knew what the letters represented and why she was doing it now. But he didn’t need to hear those words come out her mouth right now when things were so raw. Maybe not ever. 

“Oh right,” Sam flustered, “Well, if anything happened, I’d need someone to make sure they got to everyone.”  
Jack stared at her, eyebrows rising in sync with his surprise. 

“I was hoping you would do it?”

Silence again. He was getting tired of the quiet but he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know how to feel about her asking him this. 

“Look sir, I know it’s a lot to ask”

“It is.” 

“You’re the only one I trust,” said Sam with a note of finality. 

That took him by surprise. What he had done to her last week should have destroyed any trust she had in him. She should be here to ask for a transfer to another team. To another team where she can believe in a CO to not kill her. That’s what normal people would do, right?

His surprise and train of thought must have been evident on his face, because Sam spoke up again. 

“I do trust you.” It’s the first time during this conversation that she sounded sure and confident. He thought the days of Samantha Carter impressing and surprising him had been over, but he was wrong. 

“Ok.” That was the only response he needed to give. Sam visibly relaxed and even managed a small smile. It didn’t reach her eyes but it was close and gave him hope. 

“The letters are on my laptop and they’re password encrypted. I’ve written down the password for you.” 

Jack looked down at the slip of paper that she had placed on his desk and his eyes widened in horror as he read it. 

$IO4E@G8ND

“What the hell is this?”

“The password, sir.”

“No.”

“No?” her voice tinged slightly with amusement. 

“Carter, I can barely remember planet designations. How do you expect me to remember this?”

He knew her well enough to know that she was internally rolling her eyes at him.

“Ok…I can change it if you want?” 

“Please!” He said with a exasperated begging. 

Sam chuckled at his reaction. Okay, she was definitely teasing him and openly for which he was eternally grateful. The thick atmosphere in the room, between them, was slowly starting to dissipate as they fell into their traditional and familiar territory.

“What do you want to change it to?”

“Dunno, just something I’ll remember”

“Errmmm what about…. Quarks?”

“Noooo Carter, nothing sciency,” he remarked with an exasperated tone. 

“Okay okay, what about ermmmm… naquadah?”

“Ack, Carter! Something that I’ll actually remember.”

“You won’t remember naquadah, sir? It literally turns up in 80% of conversations around here…”

And then it must have dawned on her. Every time someone mentions it, he’ll think of those letters. And she is right, they do mention it a lot.

“Oh. Fine… how about… fishing?”

Pause. “Yeah, that I can remember,” he said with a smirk. Fishing had good connotations for them, enough to let him forget the one bad. 

“Ok, the password is fishing. Thank you, sir.”

“Think nothing of it.”

“I should probably get back to the lab. You take one week off and everyone moves your things around.”

“Right…well get back to it, Major.”

Things seemed warmer between them now, but they still hadn’t addressed the elephant in the room. The one thing Jack has learnt from his professional and personal failures is that the things left unsaid can bury you. As much as he was avoiding this, maybe they should tackle it head on. He watched as Sam turned and made her way to the door, before standing abruptly and calling her.

“Carter…I’m sorry” He didn’t know what else to say or how to approach this. This time he was the one without a plan, but what he did know was that he was sorry.

She locked steely blue eyes to his and asked, “Would you do it again?”

He thought a lot about this during the past week. The fate of their planet was more important than them.

“Yes.” 

“Good,” she replied with a smile. “We’re ok, sir”

And with a nod of her head, she did an about turn and walked back out through the door, looking visibly lighter. 

They were ok.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure I've expressed myself the way I wanted to in this fic! Having recently re-watched the episode, I imagined Jack would have felt conflicted. He would have hated himself for what he did and although he would have accepted it was the right thing to do, he would never have forgiven himself. I also think Sam would have been totally understanding and wouldn't hold it against him.
> 
> I'm also not the greatest of writers. I've read so much where the stories are creative, beautifully written, comprehensible, and almost poetic in the way they are written - practically professional. I always feel like I have an idea but when I put pen to paper (or finger to keyboard) the end product is not to the quality of my imagination. I hope to get there one day so any feedback on where to make changes would be great :)


End file.
